Indians and Hermaphrodites 3/26/15

Travis: Why did I do that?
Becky: Do that?
Travis: Add two people to do that.
Becky: Do what?
Travis: It smells like hermaphrodites (sp?)
Becky: What?!
Travis: They're Indians
Becky: Who?
Travis: Cherry
Becky: Who is Cherry?
Travis: That woman, she's almost dead. She's like 86. Does my mom know?
Becky: Know what?
Travis: That we rode bikes here.

Travis: I guess I saw those potato chips and it made me think of Indians.
Becky (laughter) What? They're not even related.
Travis: Yeah because I saw the Indian delivering chips to his Indians. But they aren't like the Indians you see every day with bow and arrows.
Becky: (hysterical laughter) I never see Indians with bow and arrows.
Travis: Whoa! Did you see a picture of that?
Becky: Of what?
Travis: That dog that has its eyebrows way up like those old ladies. I guess I have a lot to talk about.

Travis: Welcome to my class and for getting 100%. If you see all the X's it equals to everything.
Becky: Oh my gosh you're killing me!
Travis: (whispers) Killing you? (Out loud)
I wanna kill you!
Becky: Hey so rude!
Travis: I gotta go find my other friends and tell them the good news about the aluminum chairs.

Dirty Rotten Hobo 3/25/15

Travis: what are you doing you dirty rotten little hobo?
Becky: Well I finally got Brilee settled down and then I had to rock Paige back to sleep.
Travis: Oh. Is it because they're short do ya think? It's OK, go ahead.

3/24/15

I just got in from the movies

Travis: Did you see any black boys there?
Becky: Yeah I saw some black girls too. They were nice.
Travis: Did they have their clothes on?
Becky: (awkward pause) Yeeeessss.
Travis: Oh that's good.

Ninja skills 3/23/15

Travis and I were discussing his "ninja skills" or lack thereof when he fell asleep

Travis: Have you ever seen Jurassic Park?
Becky: Uh huh
Travis: That's how you learn to do it.
Becky: What does Jurassic Park have to do with being a ninja?
Travis: You don't get it.

P90 3/18/15

This is from two nights ago I just had my hands full of sick baby so---

Travis: Hey were you working out?
Becky: No, I was brushing my teeth.
Travis: Oh, I thought you were doing P91. I do P95

Chocolate Box of Oreos 3/11/15

Travis: My momma always said life is like a chocolate box of oreos cookies, you never know what you'll get.
Becky: A chocolate box of oreos?
Travis: That's right, and if you meet me in the back parking lot we can arm wrestle.
Becky: No thanks.
Travis: You're just like Paige, little and hard to talk to.

Dingleberries 3/10/15

Travis: Help me sit up like a ghost (sit up in slow motion like a mummy).
Becky: Uh... That's not how ghosts sit up.
Travis: Why did you punch me? That hurt. Now my arm is itching because it's healing. See its all better.
Becky: You're arm would not itch from being punched and then healing itself.
Travis: You are wiping all your butt boogers on me.
Becky: (After laughing until I cried) Butt boogers? You mean poop?
Travis: NO! Dingleberries is the stuff stuck in your hair! (INSERT SCARY CLOWN LAUGH AND TEARS).
Becky: My bad. You're crying.
Travis: I don't want you to turn into a black eye demon.
Becky: I don't want to either.

Mr. Burns 3/8/15

Travis: What are you plotting Mrs. Burns?
Becky: Who is Mrs. Burns?
Travis: Mr. Burns' wife.
Becky: OK. Who is Mr. Burns?
Travis: From the Simpsons.
Becky: AH RUDE!
Travis: Who are you comparing me to?
Becky: If I'm Mrs. Burns you're Mr. Burns.
Travis: who are you comparing me to?
Becky: Mr. Burns
Travis: Who are you comparing me to?
Becky: Mr. Burns
Travis: Who are you comparing me to?
Becky: MR. BURNS!
Travis: That's who I compared you to. Who are you comparing me to?
Becky: I give up.
Travis: Who are you comparing me to?

Karl Malone the Mailman 3/6/15

Travis: What have you been doing this whole time? You been waking up?
Becky:  Yep, I've been waking up.
Travis: No, serious. Where have you been?
Becky: Here.
Travis: Where have you been?
Becky: I've been waking up Travis.
Travis: Yeeeaaahhh. Its like that morning commercial (sings) "The best part of waking up...."
Becky: Is foldgers in your cup!
Travis: Yeah that's cool. It goes like this (sings it again)
Becky: Something like that.
Travis: That's something Karl Malone would say.
Becky: The Mailman?
Travis: (sings jingle again).

*He did something else but I forgot, if I remember I'll update***

Your mom wears combat boots 3/4/15

Travis reached out and slapped my back while I was hanging up some clothes.

Becky: OW! Why did you slap me? It stings.
Travis: I don't know why. I guess you shouldn't stick it there.
Becky: Travis that seriously stings.
Travis: Well if I could say sorry I would, but I can't. I don't know how. (Scary face)
Becky: Why are you pulling that face at me?
Travis: I don't know I've been practicing a lot. (Heavy creeper breathing).
Becky: OK why are you breathing like that, its creepy.
Travis: I've been practicing my creeping.
Travis: Do you remember that saying 'Oh yeah, your mom wears combat boots!'
Becky: No, I don't think I've ever heard that one.
Travis: Oh yeah. We used to say it all the time. . . in high school.

Dinosaur dream 3/2/15

Travis was twitching in his sleep

Becky: You're jumpy
Travis: I'm having a dinosaur dream.
Becky: Yeah? Was it chasing you?
Travis: Uh Huh. You too. You were pregnant.
Becky: Oh so you were running faster than me?
Travis: No, we were defending ourselves with our pitchfork knives

Bust your face 2/28/15

Travis: You're lucky you didn't touch my remote or I would have busted your face!
Becky: What!!!!
Travis: I don't know.
Becky: You're creeping me out. Your eyes are pointed different directions.
Travis: That phone call wasn't about what you thought it was about, it was about something else.
Becky: *chuckles*
Travis: Don't write that down. It's not my fault my super powers are here. Its my
a-visibility. Come here, I'm going to tickle you.
Becky: Ow! You're scratching me.
Travis: Oh sorry that's just how I tickle people.