7/18/15

Travis: Oh that's the thing. You probably learned it from Mario didn't you?
Becky: ok scooter?
Travis: Don't call me scooter,  don't you understand that is a derogatory to dumbassessess everwhere. I'm just gonna call you a brat from now on. Besides Scooter is that one character from that show.
Becky: Yeah,  Doug.
Travis: No! Scooter not skeeter like a mosquiter. You ride scooters.

Beaver

Becky: Stop hogging the blankets
Travis: I like them to be wrapped around me
Becky: Well then get your own blanket
Travis: I do, it's called a beaver

Patched Adams

Travis: You should just plug it in

Travis: I know what I'm going to say in my sleep. I need a lot of volts.

Travis: Patched
Becky: Patched? What?
Travis. PATCHED ADAMS. Do you  think they named him that because he had a patch?
Becky: He didn't have a patch
Travis: Oh yeah that's what pirates wear

(EVERY TIME I LAUGH HE LAUGHS AND TELLS ME I'M FUNNY)

Pesky flies and King Herod

Travis: (Waving hand around) Theres a fly buzzing around in here. Pesky little bastards.

Travis: That's not funny. I dictate what's funny.

Travis: Who's baby is that?
Becky: *laughter*
Travis: Well I saw this show with King Herod and he killed all the first borns, so again I ask, who's baby is this?

Travis: It's important to exercise your eyebrows. Not your eyebrows your eyelids. Just blinking will do it. So then when you're sitting at the table and they only open a crack ways, your nakedness won't make everyone uncomfortable.

I'm a Billy Goat

(The first one is a little story I didn't get up to share the other night because it was so late).
Becky: Travis get up. Can you hear that?? The furnace is rattling so loud it keeps waking me up.
Travis *mumbles and gets up and walks around for a few minutes*
Travis: (bouncing on bed) I'm a Billy goat!

Travis : Do you think it would be cool if we kept coyotes on our farm?

Travis: Would you like it if I wore shorty shorts?
Becky: uh....
Travis: I would just wear them to sacrament meeting. It would be sexy.

Twice half the time

**Disclosure: Travis went 32 hours without sleep because of work. So he got a two hour nap and went another 18 hours. He should be comatose**

Travis: I hope no Indians come out of there. Mostly. I'm just going to say mostly after everything now.

Travis: What I don't understand is, if Pop Culture was  a real thing, why don't we all have jobs. We need jobs.

Travis: I wish we didn't have to work so hard for our money. It should come easier. Like we should work twice half the time.

Travis: Wake me up if the house starts on fire
Becky: Well I'll be dead too so I can't. They've tested smoke alarms while people are actually asleep and they didn't hear the alarm.
Travis: That's because they did so much stuff during the day and they were really tired.